God, I so could have used all of this when I started having "adult" relationships. In my marriage, I always gave in (#3) because it was easier than fighting. After years of this I was basically a husk of who I used to be and was completely miserable. While my wife did plenty of things "wrong," I certainly did too,… Read more

These are all great tips, and work even better when your partner is a person who cares enough to work together with you on them. Read more

I don't enjoy talking, and I especially hate it when it's about feelings. I give in all the time, because I'd rather do something mildly unpleasant than something very unpleasant (i.e. talk about why I don't want to do it). It's just not worth the conversation necessary to not do it. Read more

Okay, I've been on the other side of this one. I'm a dude, and a clean freak. But I would argue it wasn't thoughtlessness (or even gender related) so much as it was not my priority at the time. A party's for fun. It doesn't mean I haven't thought of the dishes, I just don't want to do them until later. Read more

Oh gosh, this is me. I'm trying to get better about it though. My mother has always and still does anticipate needs. My father never does! So, she's left taking out the trash and cleaning the house and moaning and groaning that he doesn't help or do things without her asking. I recommended that she have a talk with… Read more

You're supposed to wash pillows?! I don't know why, but I have one horrendously yellow pillow and one white pillow, both purchased at the same time... I don't have any borax or dishwasher detergent, but I'm willing to bet that it will work with just bleach and regular washing detergent... I'll report back on my drool… Read more

It's funny how obvious these things are once you've gone through this... And how blind you are to them while in the thick of it. Read more

Easiest way I found to do this is to put the pillows in the washing machine on a rinse/soak cycle, add cold water and white vinegar. Let it soak for a half hour or so, rinse it, then wash them. Nothing special to it and the pillows come out like new. Read more

If you do give in to what the other wants, keep it the hell to yourself after the fact. The last thing the other person wants to hear is that they were wrong after the deal is done, especially if he/she specifically asked for input beforehand. Speak up next time. Read more

I think that's part of it, and I think it's also that women are taught to anticipate the needs of others. We're taught that we should clean things before they are brought to our attention, to be prepared with a beverage or a snack if someone might want one, etc. It's apparently part of being a good… Read more

To take your point a step further - women do get that message from others and can unfairly expect men to intuit everything. But I think we women can also have those same unfair expectations of ourselves. I can't imagine, as a woman, if I ended up in the scenario in #2, complaining to my friends about it. I would feel… Read more

Guess What!

I used to think that if my husband had an ounce of common sense, he would know what I wanted. For instance, when he came home after working a 12-hour day and found me and the baby home with the stomach flu, I assumed he already knew the answer to the question, "Can I go for a bike ride?" He didn't. If I didn't say,… Read more

I love my girlfriend, now fiancée very much but at the beginning there was a lot of #4. For a while I took what she was saying and tried to make the requested changes, but after a while I experiences exactly what this article was saying — I dreaded "let's talk." But instead of shutting down, I let her know I'm a… Read more

I've always wondered why it seems like women tend to be most guilty of this. I've done it many times myself. Even when I try to be understanding, I feel this deep down frustration about having to ask for what I want. Read more

My fiancee and I had major problems with this issue. I always (stupidly) assume that everyone sees/hears/notices everything that I notice and comes to the same conclusions as I do in the same amount of time. This is obviously naive, narrow-minded, and plainly idiotic. It took a good six months of therapy and serious… Read more

That is so true. When I learned to actually listen to what other people were saying rather than spending my listening time formulating the perfect reply, all of my communication improved. And I became a lot more likable. Read more

A lot of this doesn't just apply to couples. Read more

The item that peaks my interest here is #3, giving in a not really saying what you want or think. At times I feel its necessary to sacrifice your thoughts and concerns for the sake of ending an argument or discussion. This has worked for me and it often results in me realizing that the point I wanted to make or issue… Read more

I've found that looking at your partner as exactly that (a partner for life, hopefully), it just smooths things along. Don't expect your partner to be telepathic, don't be an asshole and be considerate. "Happy wife, happy life" is a crock of shit guys, and that comes from a divorcee I know who's ex-husband was very… Read more